On my way to lunch, I found myself walking behind a woman with skinny arms, thin legs, narrow shoulders, a smallish waist and a huge ass. Were she to stand with her arms at her sides, the substantive girth of her hips would instead force them out to at least a thirty-degree angle. In general, it is my habit, upon being confronted by a retard, ( Read more... )

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As of yesterday afternoon, I have an inkling of what it is like in the NBA draft ( Read more... )

I had three fuzzy navels, a cheeseburger sub and a nap in the few hours before I was pulled over by a Pentagon police officer. It turns out my left passenger's side headlight was out. What's odd is how the cop asked me to turn my engine back on. He then pointed to my dashboard and said, "See that green light? That indicates that one of your ( Read more... )

Long story short, the raise blew while my bonus was obscene. Admittedly, I was ranked as a "distinguished employee" but holy shit that's a lot of zeros.

This company must be desperate to keep its competent workers.

This morning I barely resisted to urge to drive to work with my own cum crusted beneath my chin. Though I can be a decent shooter from time-to-time, it is rare for me to up and give myself a pearl necklace when bottoming. The last of our Vegas sexcapades was just that good ( Read more... )

"I hope you didn't lose too much ( Read more... )

I seem to be monumentally unmotivated today. This is pretty typical of Mondays and Fridays in general, but still. I wish something more interesting was going on in LiveJournal land, alas it seems as though people are having lackluster Mondays across the board. In my fantasy world, I would just leave work, go home and shave my testicles which ( Read more... )

As I strut about my workplace, I cannot help noticing the number of balding men. According to the all-knowing Internet, male pattern baldness affects roughly fifty percent of the population. What's baffling for me is that this estimate is certainly not reflected among my circle of friends, wherein I know one or maybe two gentlemen so afflicted. ( Read more... )

Mine is a charmed existence where procrastination pays off because people are overwhelmed by the last minute crap I throw together.